We Were All Millionaires and 20 Crypto Jokes

This week, we were all millionaires and billionaires. Shortly. Also, not really.

Dogecoin saw a sharp rally after Elon Musk said Tesla “will make some merch buyable” with it, and SUSHI jumped as a new takeover proposal was met with mixed reactions. Arthur Hayes said it “pays to wait” with making new investments in crypto as stronger USD is coming, but Kraken’s Jesse Powell said USD will drop to zero and that BTC below USD 40K is a buying opportunity – while Novogratz argued that BTC ‘should hold’ at USD 40K. Binance will shut its Singapore exchange and “refocus” those operations into a “blockchain innovation hub,” the hacked AscendEX said it intends to 100% reimburse all the affected users, while the hacked Vulcan Forged said it had refunded ‘the majority’ of affected users. Robinhood is working on enabling its customers to send crypto as a gift, while a new Cash App feature will allow users to gift crypto and stock over the holiday season.

Meta decided to spend USD 60m to acquire the naming rights owned by the US bank Meta Financial Group, an Abu Dhabi state-owned investment giant Mubadala started to invest its assets in crypto and the surrounding blockchain-based ecosystem, Nike acquired virtual sneakers and collectibles creator RTFKT, Nexon America started accepting BTC and ETH among other coins for in-game purchases, and even a South Korean hydraulics firm took a crypto, DeFi, NFT and metaverse plunge.

Myanmar’s shadow government recognized tether as its official currency to use it to combat the military regime, China’s enforcement continued as the courts punished crypto miners and fraud rings, and the Russian Central Bank moved to ban funds from crypto investments, despite experts warning of a ‘blurry’ legal status. An IMF official admitted that it’ll be difficult to regulate crypto without global consensus, while an Australian joint regulatory body backed the government’s plans to regulate crypto. An NGO claimed that the US could impose sanctions on El Salvador’s Chivo wallet, cryptoasset trades are expected to be subject to official reporting requirements within three years, likely first in the US, some of those speaking on stablecoins before the American upper house could have brought misinformation and inaccuracy to the table, and market participants positioned themselves for a potential “buy the news” event that might’ve followed a key US Fed meeting, seeing BTC and ETH jump post-meeting that heard talks of crypto, doubled tapering, and 2022 interest rate hikes. Also, Binance and FTX – are reportedly preparing to go head-to-head in a battle to become the main shirt sponsor of the football giant FC Barcelona. Oh, and the most important story of the week – Mr. Justin Sun is now His Excellency Ambassador.

And now, the most special part of the week: the jokes.

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Heeey, CT! All good?

And how are our bicoiners doing?

Source: tendies_wsb / Instagram

So much moneyz. Wait…

How about splitting the difference?

Trying to withdraw the millions:

But instead of millionaireing, the reality was much different.

Can’t even feel it really.